shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
