We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
