She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
