i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
