i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize