Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
