I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
