You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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