I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A bitchslap is in order.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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