Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
