I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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