I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sober January is a disaster.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
