nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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