Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
