It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
