i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Girls should come with a carfax report
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
