Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
