Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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