So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
