Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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