I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
