We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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