But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
