He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize