Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I didn't notice because vodka
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
