Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
