I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
