you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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