I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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