I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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