make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
