I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
