Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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