Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
