I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
