apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
