Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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