I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want a musical about memes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
