Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
