I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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