He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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