How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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