"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
