I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
