I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
