she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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