I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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