Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Floor bacon is actually really good
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
