White coat. Heels.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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