Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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