Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
