I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
