just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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