I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
