yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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