Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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