He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize