sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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