we're blogging at a bar
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
