i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
