I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
