Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
