Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
