need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize