the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
