Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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