Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
