I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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