I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
