walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
