I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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