I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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