Your dad touched me again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
