I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i barfeds in our rink
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
