I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i have two assholes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
