Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
