p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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